Gemini...to da Max!!!

Let me begin by saying, I was born May 26th
So, I stay one Gemini
I get multiple personality or some shit,
Wateva

Many times I find myself caught in one dilemma
Like I not sure which direction I should go
Cuz I get pulled from both sides
but neither side can win... STUCK ...like Doo Doo.

For instance, my name is Keola
which is one fantastic name, one Hawaiian name
I am Hawaiian
but cuz I get fair skin...da name confuses people

Dey always like, "You Hawaiian?" "You Sure you Hawaiian? "You no look Hawaiian?"

"Wot, you get Hawaiian in your big toe?"

I like tell dem,

"Yeah my Big Toe goin' sing you some falsetto, win the Kamehameha

song contest, and dance in the Merrie Monarch...cuz he's Hawaiian.

Hawaiian is Hawaiian...skin is not Hawaiian...Brown is not Hawaiian.

But dats not my only dilemma,
I'm also in dis awkward place of wanting for be one,

Eco-friendly, unimperialistic, non-capitalistic, entrepreneur who sells coffee and DIY art... for profit.../...fashionista in one urban environment while respecting my kupuna, traditionally and contemporarily simultaneously.

...among other things.

WTF.

Frickin' Gemini.

Spam vs. Hot Dog

  Ova da summer, was so FRICKIN HOT, we had for go to the waterpark. Granted, da waterpark is in Kapolei, which is pretty much Nanakuli wit one nicer name, and its hot as hell out dea... BUT we wen go anyway. SO, of course we was hungry by lunch time and we wen go wait in da line at da concession stand like everbody else. I wen overhea one haole lady behind me talking to her daughter and da conversation went like dis:

    Haole Lady: (southern drawl) I can't believe they ACTUALLY sell Spam around here. We went into the 7-11 the other day and they had these things called Mu-su-bi. It's like Spam with rice. Disgusting.                                                            

    Daughter: (slight southern drawl) That is SO Gross. Spam's Nasty.

    Haole Lady: So what are you gonna have for lunch, darlin'?

    Daughter: I think I just want a hot dog, chips , and a Coke.

    Haole Lady: That sounds good. I think I'll have that, too.

 As I wen stop for ponder this conversation, I had one simple realization...Spam and Hot Dogs are the SAME THING!!! They both stay processed by-products of da pig. So how come Spam is Public Enemy Numba 1 and Hot Dogs are da Great American food? According to da statistics, Americans consume 20 BILLION hot dogs a year!! The 7 Billion eaten in the summer could stretch from Chicago, da hot dogs Mecca, to Frankfurt, Germany, da hot dogs homeland 125 times. 

                            

 Nothing stay more American than stuffing your face wit processed meat...As long as you call 'em one hot dog, NOT Spam. Dis is Joey Chestnut, da Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Champion. He stay one American hero for beating the former champion, Kobayashi, of Japan. Chestnut has won da past 3 years in a row.

This pass year, Joey Chestnut wen eat 68 hot dogs in da Nathan's contest. He broke his own World Record! If he wen eat 68 cans of Spam dey would call him one terrorist. 

Ka'ena Point Cruisin'

Liliuokalani, Jude Boy, and I wen holoholo up Ka'ena Point today. 

Was so much fun! Jude-boy and mommy wen explore da tidepools.

Jude-Boy wen swim for da first time by hisself.

We wen find Sea Salt.

Buggah was Ono!!!

An' we wen cruise down to da Old Waialua Sugar Mill

for pay homage to da origins of Pidgin, da plantation.

 

Kumu Kahua = Da Bess Deal in Town

 The Territory of Hawaii is Kumu Kahua Theater's current production. Kumu Kahua Theater, in my humbo opinion, is da BESS deal in town. Its one small theater in town on Merchant Street  that gets pass by so much times, but still hides out. Da Buggahs ova dea produce "Plays about life in Hawai'i, Plays by Hawaii's playwrights, Plays for Hawai'i's people." Students get discount wit tickets only 5 bucks and everybody else is only $10-15. Da tickets for go watch movies is like $10 bucks and half da time da movie was junk anyway. 

 I wen watch last months production which was "Da Mayah" written by Lee Cataluna. Was so Funny. An' da sad part was dat the theater was not even full. So if you get da chance, try check 'em out. Cuz it's good fun ova dea. Plus too, get Murphy's right across da street for befoa and after drinks!

I going watch "Territory of Hawaii" next weekend and I will post one review, bumbye.  

Hanabata Days

It's funny wen you tink back at all da stuffs you wen do small-kid time. tink about where you when live, what you wen eat, and what you did for fun:

Hanabata Days was full of bare feet and bee stings,

Had Ice cake and school lunch

Snack time I always had fruit roll-up or graham crackers

But all da odda guys had nori and hi-chew

Hanabata Days was May Day and Buta Hunt wit Frank Delima

was chasemaster and no masterbacks

had rainy days, which meant board games on the lanai at school

Connect Four was da bestess

Had Mr. Tanji da skool cook

and Ms. Lima da skool nurse

Had Reading Rainbow and da Book Fair

and Family Fun Nite

Hanabata Days we used to make kukui nut sailboats

and race 'em in the gutter wen had choke rain

Catch Crawfish in the auwai

and make 'em fight

Hanabata Days was Pick- Up- Sticks and Linkin Logs

was nap time, pledge of allegiance, and da bugel horn at 8am

was late for school and wait for mom to pick us up

was soccer in the front yard

Hanabata Days was care free, no worries

always had nuff

even if neva have choke

Where did dose days go?

Pidgin-English Translations

K-den is equivalent to "see you later, adieu, until we meet again, or good bye."

Shoots is equivalent to "yes, in agreement with, to concur."

Bum Bye is equivalent to "at a later time, when the time is 

convenient, later."

Da Kine is equivalent to "Whatchamacallit."

Da Kine is Cold

                                                     

Pidgin ABC's

"Pidgin ABC's"

Aloha 'Oe

Bum bye

Carang ya alla's

Da kine

'Eh no act

Faka wot

Guarrans Bo Berrans

Hawaiian

If can, can, bruddah man

Junk yours one

K-den...

Li hing mui,

Manapua ,

Nuff already

Opu full of... 

Pau Hana,

sQuid Luau,

Rambutan,

Shoyu Poke,

Tantarant,

Under pants get pooka panty,

Vana too!!! 

Why, Bodd

a you???

X-tra large shoyu chicken,

You stay Hungry?

next stop....Zippy's.

 

How Come Moke's Like Heineken?

I neva undastan' why Moke's like Heineken?

Like its someting special?

So mento

, cuz Moke's always complaining about da frickin' haoles

But Heineken stay from Holland

Da most Haole-ist place on earth.

Da stupid bottle is green,

Who the hell cares!!

You would tink Moke's would like Brown bottles, cuz dey stay brown

But NO...Dey like da stupid green bottle.

Besides, got choke beers from places wit brown people

How come dey no support dose guys?

Get Steinlager, Red Stripe, Hinano...Even get Primo!!!

How come get brown people, who no like white people

but da same guys support white people beer?

no make sense...

LOL...White-People-Beer.  

Introduction to Pidgin

Small kid time

My faddah neva speak pidgin to me

Always had fo' speak propa

So I could get good grades

An' go one good school

Fo' get one good job

An' no be BROKE ASS.

Small kid time

I love fo' play soccer

All I wanted fo' do was play soccer

But my madda,

She stay one procrastinata, eh?

She wen wait SO long fo' sign me up AYSO

Dat da team was all full already

I was so PISS OFF 

She wen sign me up for play wit one team in Kalihi

So me, I no care, I just like play

I show up first day practice

Ready to go, no scared 'em, go get 'em

I no say nuttin to nobody, just play

Whistle blows, practice pau

Couple guys come ova and start talkin' to me,

"Wot bah, tink you can lick me?" he says

Confused I look at him,

"Yeah, I can lick you...but that's gross," I say

Him and his friend start buss up laughing

"Stupid, Haole!" they laugh and walk away.

Me, still dazed and confused.

Introduction to Pidgin

Ho Bah, Mean Dis Blog!

Aloha, an' welcome to my bran new blog! Dis blog is goin' be dedimacated to da beautiful language us guys call Pidgin. Goin' have stories and poems and odda kine stuffs all written in Pidgin for your viewing pleasure. Tanks fo' stopping by, an' come back bum-bye.

Obey the Dirty Pidgin!!!!